Everything I have.
Monday, February 15, 2010 3:09 PM
As all of you can see, Apis and I are going through a very hard time. Seriously speaking, I do not know if we can make it through but whatever it is, I'm still here and still I want him and him alone. We have been through so much together but this is the first time that things between us are so fucked up screwed.Yes, you can say I'm stupid or that I'm blind to be still suffering when I can just forget everything, get someone else and be happy but I cannot do so. I just can't see myself without him. This time is different, this love is nothing like what I've had before. He's different.
We actually made plans to head out and catch a movie on the day before Valentines' but we ended up arguing and plans were then cancelled so I just popped a few pills and just slept.
Valentines' day is Chinese New Year as well so it wasn't that bad being alone but my baby(s) made my whole day better by just being there. We spent the night together enjoying the cigarettes, Chivas and the sea breeze topped with each other's company laughing the night away.
Kikin, my twin (Left) & Amy, our montel (Right)Alot of people's worried for me I know, and I appreciate all of your concerns and calls/messages/tags. I admit that what I'm going through now is very tiring mentally and I am very drained emotionally but still I wanna hold on. I'm not letting go, I don't have the strength to, maybe not just yet because I still want to believe that it's not all over and I am still fighting for what I want :')
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Please don't give up on me, and on us just yet, we'll make it through. Let's just try to fix things shall we? You know I'm true, I'm nothing without you. You made me better then, and you sure can now. Maybe it'll take some time but still, please.........I beg you please don't ever, ever lose hope. I'm giving you the space that you need now, just don't shatter everything we have. I love you very much and you should know that better than anyone else. I do not want to let go, and even if I want to, I wonder where I'm gonna get that strength from? I've heard enough of advices on what to do and all from others, now I wanna hear it from you. Let's just cool down and then sit down and talk?
Why? Because I still believe in us, because I want things to work out, because our love is true, because we've been through so much, because its you, Muhammad Haffeez.
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The only family I have left.
Me, and the youngest one.And yes, we wore black on Chinese New Year because its my late father's 1st anniversary but all three of us were strong, none of us shed a tear in front of each other/others though I know very well how much we are hurting inside.
As for my mum, she's gone missing. She don't care anymore, or should I say that she stopped caring when she left us 11 years ago? It's okay though because all that's happened did not break us, in fact it opened up our eyes to the very much harsh reality and what didn't kill us only made us stronger and closer. We have only each other now, the three of us I mean so truthfully from the botton of my heart, they are my everything. Oh, including my grandmother too :]